The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net
by Orlijah Bloomwood
Summary: What will Legolas discovering fanfiction.net lead to?? What stories does he come across and read? Poems?Parodys that bash him? Or maybe...slash? What do the others think of these pairings? What will their beloveds think?
1. A Delightful Discovery

I think the title says it all.  
  
This type of thing has been done with other characters before, so I decided to do it with our boys in the Fellowship. Will they encounter strange stories? Oh yes.  
  
Our fellowship boys are in a lot more than they bargained for as they journey deeper and deeper into fanfiction.net and discover its many secrets and flaws.  
  
Disclaimer: What a pity you can't simply buy these ppl on Ebay.Tsk tsk tsk.Well, I'm sure Tolkien wouldn't have sold 'em anyway.After all, he probably wouldn't take kindly to the idea of fangirls ravaging the characters whom he has spent many years writing about.  
  
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The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net  
  
  
  
Chapter 1. A Delightful Discovery  
  
  
  
It was upon accident, or perhaps deranged fate, that Legolas happened to stumble upon a website. A quite queer and curious domain it was; having categories on almost all the things Legolas could think of, which was not too many, but plentiful, however, for one to spend his boring, rainy day on. He clicked on "Books" and scanned the page for the titles of his favourites. Not seeing any at all, he gave up and clicked on something very peculiar; 'twas something that read "Lord of the Rings." This startled the poor elf a mighty bit, but his curiosity overcame him and he went ahead and clicked on the link.  
  
He drummed his fingers upon the keyboard as he waited for the page to load, very anxious to see what lay ahead. Finally, the loading was complete. Legolas scrolled down the page with his mouse and froze when he saw very familiar names in the titles and summaries. There was a story entitled "Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood" and so he clicked upon that and began reading. He had to admit, he was quite touched and moved by the written poem. He never knew what sort of tales the website could hold! He knew he would remember this story, or poem, as his first one read on fanfiction.net.  
  
He happily clicked the "back" button on his browser screen and went about searching for another story to feast his eyes on. He came across another with his name on it and excitedly clicked on it. Little did he know that this one was very different from the first.  
  
After the loading of the page, Legolas immediately read on, anticipating something just as moving and delightful as the previous poem. He read in the author's notes that this was considered A/L slash, which he did not know the meaning of, yet. The beginning was quite fascinating, as it unraveled the mysterious world of Middle-Earth as it was. However, there was one thing he couldn't quite understand in the story: Why did Aragorn have feelings for another member of the fellowship? This was complete blasphemy in itself! Him and the fellowship were practically brothers!!! Nevertheless, Legolas kept reading and found an even more dreadful situation apparent. Aragorn wasn't just in love with a member of the fellowship!! Aragorn was in love with Legolas! This bit of news disturbed Legolas, but curiosity, once again, prompted him to continue, and he did.  
  
Oh, how the elf regretted that deeply; for the next chapter was what he had feared the most: .Aragorn slowly leaned in toward Legolas, his arms circling around his one, true love's waist, pulling him in closer, closer, until finally, their lips met in a soft, sweet display of union between lovers.This line caused poor Legolas to turn many different shades of red because of his utter embarrassment, then shades of purple and blue as he began to feel quite nauseous. He rapidly clicked the "back" button to escape the horrifying tale of himself kissing Aragorn.That notion disgusted Legolas and he decided to refrain from reading any more stories that day. To ensure that, he got up from the computer and high-tailed it outta there, back to his chambers; he had to try to desperately to forget what he had just read.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the computer, another member of the fellowship sat, staring in awe at the intriguing titles and summaries the page, which Legolas had foolishly left there, held. Pippin wondered what types of things Legolas was up to now and decided to find out by pressing the forward arrow button. He read now, what Legolas had previously read and was stunned by what was written.  
  
"Now I know why Legolas up and left so suddenly!! Haha!! This is hilarious, almost better than getting a pint at the Golden Perch! Well, almost. Feelings for Legolas?! Well, I'll be." Pippin muttered to himself, laughing at the thought of Legolas' and Aragorn's bodies entwined like that.  
  
Merry happened to overhear his little conversation with himself and decided to join Pippin.  
  
"Hey Pip!! What've you got there?" Merry asked.  
  
Pippin smiled slyly at Merry and said, "Why don't you take a look for yourself? It's quite entertaining."  
  
  
  
  
  
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Hahahahaha!!! Poor Legolas!! What a pity he had to see that!! Well, I'm glad to say that that's not the only time (Enya!) he'll be seeing slash.Hehehe.Well, please read and review and tell me if I should continue or not and please give ideas on what I should have these curious ppl reading.Oh, it would be great if you could give me permission to mention some stories of yours that you think are appropriate for them to read, Thanx!!!  
  
Use of story: "Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood" was under permission of furreck-elf Esteladuial. 


	2. The Fun Begins

Hahahahaha! Splendid torture for poor leggy. Oh well, here's more torture, and more still in the chapters ahead.  
  
Ok, Samus, I've read Double, Double, Toil and Trouble, and I loved it, so I will use it in an upcoming chapter. Elvea, I haven't had the chance to read urs yet, so I'll do so soon. Esteladuial, Legolas will encounter his cabbage sox!! Just you wait. Star, I'll use your suggestion in this.Thanks. Anybody else have any stories I can use?  
  
This chapter, however, is reserved for the sole purpose of having the rest of the fellowship continue the torture on Legolas. But will it come back around and hit them smack in the face? Read on the find out.  
  
Disclaimer: Hmm. For Frodog, Tolkien, Esteladuial, and myself share custody. But sadly, for this story, all is different. Except for the computer, which is a Windows 2000, like mine.  
  
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The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net  
  
  
  
Chapter 2. The Fun Begins  
  
  
  
"Alright, Pip. But it'd better be worth my time. I could be having a snack right now!!"  
  
"Oh, that can wait! This is definitely one of the things worth missing a meal over!!" Pippin exclaimed, surprising Merry a great deal, considering how much Pippin enjoyed eating.  
  
"How about you go get us a snack while I read? That way, we can have both!" Merry decided. Pippin eagerly agreed and jumped up from his chair and allowed Merry to sit. Pippin speedily ran away to the kitchen.  
  
"Alright, let's see what all this fuss is about now," Merry said to himself, reading the author's notes. "A/L Slash, eh? Wonder what that is. Doesn't sound very entertaining, and it couldn't be anything bad now." He continued reading a bit about Aragorn and Legolas doing such things as they normally would, until Pippin came running back with a tray full of food.  
  
"All of our favourites!! Have you gotten to the part about Legolas and Aragorn, well-You know," Pippin trailed off, smirking.  
  
"Know what? There's nothing out of the ordinary here yet! It's all Legolas and Aragorn having a jolly good ol' time being friends, is all," Merry replied, biting into a fresh, crisp, green apple. He turned back to the screen and continued reading. There was nothing unusual, until the story took a strange turn and told strange things of Aragorn feeling toward Legolas like more than a friend should. What is that supposed to mean? Merry thought, flabbergasted, while continuing to munch on his apple.  
  
Merry read up to the last line and froze for a split second, chewing his apple more slowly now, and clicked onto the next chapter. He read on for another while, and then gave a yelp, which caused his dear apple to fall from his mouth and onto Pippin's feet, and a sudden kick, which caused his poor toes to smash onto the hard wooden desk and his chair to go crashing backwards. Merry whined and attempted to get up.  
  
Pippin slowly picked up the fallen apple and looked at it in disgust, then shrugged and took a bite out of it. "Merry, I was shocked too when I read that part, but not to the point where I started having sudden muscle spasms and fell backwards to the floor. I mean, really, Merry," Pippin stated, matter-of-factly, then burst out into giggles, remembering what Aragorn and Legolas really did in the story.  
  
Pip grabbed hold of Merry's arm and helped him up, holding back his laughter. Merry proceeded to rub his head and toes, then looked at Pippin and said, "Well, Pip, you were right, that was interesting-AND FUNNY!!!" Merry promptly burst into an insane fit of giggles and loud laughs.  
  
"Aragorn & Legolas!!! Who would've thought?! Pippin! You are a genius Pip for finding that!! Ahahahahahaha," Merry said, thought laughs.  
  
"It wasn't me who found it, it was actually Aragorn's lover who found it!!" Pippin burst into laughter again.  
  
"Who? Arwen?" Merry said, sarcastically. "Wait, what do you mean Legolas found it?"  
  
"I mean that Legolas was probably surfing the Internet and came upon this site!! That explains why he ran away as if an army of Uruk-Hai was chasing him!! You should've seen the look on his face when he ran!! He was mortified and humiliated and nauseated at the same time!!" Pippin exclaimed, laughing again.  
  
"Come on, let's read some more! See what other things they happen to do as a couple," Merry said, grinning. So they squeezed into one chair, and continued scrolling down the page, laughing at the descriptions of kisses and more-than-friendly touches that were exchanged between them.  
  
.Legolas squeezed Aragorn's hand and sighed. "I love you so, my dear Estel. I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms and kiss your lips. Darling Aragorn, I wish to do so tonight, with you upon my bed in my chambers. We can be together at last. I promise to cherish you, through whatever evil that might fall. I love you."  
  
A sweet, lingering kiss was placed upon his lips at those words, then the ecstasy ended, with Estel saying, "My beautiful Legolas, I desire nothing more than you. You are the only being I want to be with for forever, and a day. You are my one true love, my partner, and my soul mate. You bring a type of joy and tranquility into my life that I need not heed any evil. To be apart from your divine grace and love is treachery at its worst. Their lips meant once again. Estel opened his mouth and invited Legolas tongue within.  
  
By now, Merry and Pippin were in tears, laughing like there was no tomorrow, rolling about on the floor.  
  
"My goodness, Pip. I'm sorry for doubting you! That was absolutely hilarious! Just the thought is enough! But detailed descriptions?" he burst out laughing uncontrollably once again.  
  
"See? I told you Merry!" he too started laughing insanely. Neither of them noticed the cloaked figure enter the room.  
  
  
  
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Legolas tossed and turned, in a nightmare state. He cried out, very shaken and pale. He awoke, with sweat dripping upon his brow. He wiped it away.  
  
"Why did I have to come across that story? Was it some type of twisted punishment for some horrendous crime I've committed? By Elbereth!" He moaned, deeply discouraged and depressed.  
  
He got up from his tangled bed of sheets and changed into a dry set of clothes.  
  
He then headed back downstairs for a bite to soothe his grumbling tummy.  
  
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"What's this? Hobbits, caught rolling about in an unorthodox fashion?" Arwen inquired.  
  
"Sorry, Arwen. It's just that this thing we found, or Legolas found, it absolutely HILARIOUS!" Merry exclaimed, bursting into laughter.  
  
"Alright, let me read it. It couldn't be that funny," Arwen stated, oblivious, very very oblivious.  
  
"Okay, Lady Arwen, but don't say we didn't warn you, because there are some things that you wouldn't be too happy about," Pippin smirked, trying not to laugh again. He quickly went to the computer and flipped back a couple of pages to the beginning of the story.  
  
"Oooh. The suspense is just killing me! Let me be the judge of that," Arwen replied. Beginning to read some of the story.  
  
"She put herself in this mess. If she goes into a sudden seizure or heart attack, remember, we had NOTHING to do with it. Besides, she has life insurance," Merry shared with Pippin.  
  
"Hush! I want to see her royal reaction! This is going to be good," Pippin said, grinning.  
  
"Ok, Aragorn and Legolas as friends, there's nothing strange or funny about that!" Arwen exclaimed, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Read on milady," Pippin goaded, still trying to keep from laughing.  
  
"Aragorn and Legolas//have feelings for each other//they have a little talk//they- kiss???? WHAT THE HECK IS THIS???????" Arwen shouted, enraged. "MY ARAGORN!! KISSING LEGOLAS?! THIS CANNOT BE!!!"  
  
Merry & Pippin slowly crawled away from her, very, very intimidated.  
  
"I MUST FIND MY SO-CALLED BELOVED AND CONFRONT HIM ABOUT THIS MATTER!! THIS CANNOT BE!! ARRR!!" Arwen screamed, looking much like Galadriel going nuts after Frodo offered her the ring.  
  
"I will do such a thing, after I read on about their little "adventures" and see just how much of these things they do behind my back! Humph, thinks I'm not good enough, I'll show him," Arwen said, somewhat more composed now, and mumbling incoherent things.  
  
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"Not exactly the reaction you expected, eh, Pip?"  
  
"I thought she was going to be shocked, but now I know what an understatement that was!! We'd better run before she has some strange, twisted idea we were somehow involved with this," Pippin suggested, skipping away. Merry followed close behind.  
  
"What is, my fair Arwen? I heard you yelling. What has upset you so? Are you all right?" Aragorn asked, both intrigued and quite afraid of his lover.  
  
"Am I all right? I'm just fine, Aragorn, Son of Arathorn. But I don't know if you'll be," Arwen drawled, slowly turning in her chair, an evil glint in her eye.  
  
  
  
Hahaha, so what horrible things will happen to "poor" Aragorn? If you want to know, you must review, and you must tell me your thoughts, and you must give me suggestions, and then I will decided the fate of Aragorn. If the reviews are too short, well, I might just decide to kill him. Ok, maybe that's too harsh, but still, review plentifully, so I might do some other weird plot twists and things happening and other pplz jumping in.ALRIGHT?? Peace out, pplz. 


	3. The Old Married Couple Bickers

A/N: Do I have any that is of any significance? No, not really. But HEAR ME OUT ANYWAY!!! Um, I have issues, I have issues, I have issues, I have issues, I LUV STUDY HALL!!! FANFICTION TIME!!! WOO-HOO!!!!!! I can also write a few lines if I get too bored in Algebra.  
  
Disclaimer: Would I be here wasting my time like this if I owned them? Come on, I'd be out on the red carpet or making lots of monies. ;P  
  
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The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net  
  
Chapter 3. The Old Married Couple Bickers  
  
Aragorn backed away slowly, not knowing what was wrong with Arwen this time. (Last time it had been because he didn't spend enough time with her and she threw a hissy-fit and wound up breaking several priceless vases.)  
  
"Arwen! Calm down, please! Tell me what's wrong!" Aragorn cried desperately.  
  
"Calm down? CALM DOWN?!?!?! How am I supposed to CALM DOWN!!! And you know perfectly well what's wrong!!" Arwen screamed, even more enraged (if that's possible), sticking out her fingernails threateningly. The only thing Aragorn knew perfectly well was that even Anduril couldn't save him in this type of situation; not that he'd draw Anduril on his beloved, anyhow.  
  
"Listen to me, I have no idea what's upsetting you, but if it's the fact that I was flirting with those two young elven ladies yesterday at the banquet, then I'm terribly sorry. I never meant to hurt you in any way, shape, or form. Believe me, I love you very deeply with all my heart and soul. I'm sorry, I'll never do it again! Please, if you could find it in your heart to forgive me," Aragorn murmured, somberly, outstretching his hand to hold Arwen's. She immediately clawed at him, leaving short, jagged, red scratches.  
  
"YOU WHAT?! You mean to tell me that you cheated on me with elven ladies you met just yesterday, too?!" Arwen screeched, her face growing red with fury, her eyes bulging out, her fists clenching, and her hair sticking out madly behind her.  
  
"Arwen, please, calm down. Listen to me. I said I was sorry! It's not like you've never flirted with other males outside of marriage!! Come on!! Please, I'm so sorry!" Aragorn cried dejectedly.  
  
"'Arwen, listen to me. Arwen, calm down. Arwen, do this, Arwen, do that-IS THAT I'M GOOD FOR?! TO LISTEN TO AND OBEY YOUR STUPID COMMANDS?!" Arwen mocked, stretching her fingers in pre-catfight mode.  
  
Aragorn was speechless. He never knew Arwen thought of him this way.  
  
"You don't appreciate me, YOU BASTARD!!! How dare you suggest the royal daughter of Lord Elrond of Rivendell dare look upon any male that is not her husband?! YOU SCUM!!" Arwen hissed, wishing dearly to draw Anduril herself and slice Aragorn's head off with it.  
  
Aragorn looked at her horrified and absolutely miserable, his hair drooping more than usual. They were interrupted by a new voice joining them.  
  
"Are you two all right? I was in the kitchen when I heard the sounds of an argument, not to intrude on your personal business, or anything. I was just worried. What had Lady Arwen? Are you all right there, Estel? Why is your hand all scratched up, and why do you look so aghast?" Legolas asked innocently. Little did he know of the situation at hand.  
  
  
  
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DUN DUN DUN!!!! WHAT WILL HAPPEN!!! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! I have already written the next chapter, but will I post it? No, not if you don't review! I will work on other chapters of other stories in Study Hall and leave you to ponder what will be the fate of LEGOLAS AND ARAGORN!!! AHAHAHA!!! 


	4. All Hell Breaks Loose

Hehehehe Did I keep you in suspense long enough? Nah, it was only about 2 days, Oh well, I couldn't wait, so here's a new chap. Check out my Pool Party story if you want updates to this one, I'll be updating that soon, too. PLEASE READ IT!! Come on, they'll be playing Marco Polo soon. What fun! There will be lots of pool noodles and people from all over Middle- Earth will be popping up, some that you least expect.  
  
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The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net  
  
Chapter 4. All Hell Breaks Loose  
  
"Arwen, why are you looking at me like that?" Legolas asked timidly, because of the death glare and sharp nails Arwen was pointing at him.  
  
"Oh, no reason at all Legolas. You know perfectly well what's wrong! I read that little thing on the computer," Arwen snarled, her hair flowing behind her like snakes as she slowly approached to the stricken Legolas. He was dramatically paler and had a faraway look in his eyes as he recalled a particularly graphic scene. His breath came out in short, quick puffs, and he seemingly ignored the beast that was Arwen coming ever closer and closer to him. A deep voice calling his name snapped him back to reality, just in time to catch a glimpse of Arwen before she leaped, nails outstretched, at him. He gracefully jumped aside just in time and swiftly ran to Aragorn's side. Arwen landed not so gracefully with a loud thud.  
  
She had taken a pretty hard dive and was bruised on the face, with aching or possibly broke ribs, and several broken nails.  
  
"Arr, I'm going to get that elf, ruining my makeup and nails, I just had these done yesterday, too!!"  
  
"Wh-wh-wh--H-h-h-how, sh-sh-she, saw A-A-A/L Slash. Me, yuhyuhyou t-t-t-t-t- t-together," Legolas stuttered, hyperventilating.  
  
"Speak clearly, Legolas," before Aragorn could even begin to comprehend the gibberish Legolas had just muttered, Legolas collapsed. He caught hold of the severely distressed elf just in time, before he could crumble to the floor.  
  
Arwen was trying to get up to attack once again and saw how Aragorn caught Legolas just in time, so caring and loving.  
  
"You catch HIM, but not ME!!"  
  
Aragorn jerked his head up to look at Arwen who now looked more deadly than the 9 Black Riders put together. He quickly flung Legolas over his shoulder and made a run for it.  
  
"Going to care for his other lover, I see, WITHOUT GIVING A DAMN ABOUT ME," Arwen muttered to herself, then yelled to the retreating back of Aragorn, "Son of Arathorn, you bastard! You can run for it, but I'm telling you now, you ain't GETTING ANY for about a month after this!"  
  
Aragorn whimpered when he heard this, quite devastated at the thought, then dashed into a room and locked the 69 bolts the heavy metallic door had.  
  
"Thank Elbereth I thought ahead about this before marriage and had this room designed especially for times like this. For refuge from Arwen's insane hissyfits and PMS moods!" He dropped Legolas onto the bed and plopped down onto one of the nice armchairs there himself. He slowly drifted into a nightmarish slumber.  
  
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GO KELLY CLARKSON!! KELLY KELLY KELLY!!!! YOU ARE THE AMERICAN IDOL!! HEL-LOOO!!!!  
  
Hehe, luv that gurl.Anyway, I have written chapter 5 by now, possibly chapter 6 and 7, but the only way you'll get them is to write reviews. LONG ONES PLEASE! Put any comments you have, or suggestions, thanks. READ MY OTHER STORIES!!  
  
TWO RIVENDELL ELVES GO ROUND THE OUTSIDE! ROUND THE OUTSIDE! ROUND THE OUTSIDE!  
  
Hey, what do you guys think of this concept for a story: Gimli the Crossing Guard Do you think that would scare the liddle kids too much? Hehe, just what I'm looking for. Or else it could be Legolas the Crossing Guard, which was my original idea. LMAO Little Girl goes up to Legolas and says, "Hello, my name is Becky. Are you one of the nice ladies my mom has tea with on Tuesdays?"  
  
LMAO! Wudduya think of: Arwen Goes Punk-she wears a freakin' tie man! And plays rock concerts on the roof of the palace in Gondor! YEAH!  
  
And whudduya think of the 'ship makin a musiq video? Any suggestions for musiq videos? I said "making a music video", no promises on actually having them FINISH the video before they get kicked out. Come on, RICKI MARTIN? You gurls wanna c Legolas and Aragorn shake their bon-bons??? ;P^O_0^ 


	5. It All Becomes Terribly Clear, Or Not

A/N: Ok, I should start to type up the next chapter of the Pool Party story tomorrow, so if anyone's interested. Oh yeah, read my new fic "A Spoof of Writing A Lotr Parody" it's very confusing, but I will take suggestions on what to make fun of.Yada yada.  
  
THANK YOU PPLZ WHO REVIEWED!! MUCH LUV AND COTTON CANDY GOES OUT TO ALL OF YOU! (Ok, maybe not cotton candy, cuz I don't have that much money.) I WISH YOU ALL A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS! (I luv doing that, weirding pplz out by wishing them well for a holiday that's several months away, hehe.)  
  
The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net  
  
Chapter 5. It All Becomes Terribly Clear.Or Not.  
  
Aragorn stirred and looked around at the room he had designed. There was a giant bed with a Legolas-in-coma-mode on it. There was a bathroom, and also a small kitchen equipped with enough food to last him a while. There were no windows for major safety purposes.  
  
He got up out of his chair and went to the bathroom. (I'm not gonna go into detail here, oh screw that, I will.Haha, for no good purpose.) Aragorn pulled down his pants and-(oh, forget it, too graphic for me, you more perverted pplz can continue with the visual, IN YOUR OWN HEADS!!!)  
  
He got a cup of cold water and splashed Legolas on the face with it. He sputtered and stirred. He looked up to see Aragorn's miserable, dingy, greasy-haired face looking down at him.  
  
"Mmmm.What happened Aragorn? Why did Arwen-"He stopped short when he remembered what she had told him. He looked dazed, in shock, at Aragorn.  
  
"Legolas, what's wrong? Wake up! Stop fainting every 3 seconds like a valley girl who's lost all her expensive makeup and jewelry!" Aragorn shook Legolas hard.  
  
"LEGOLAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
~~~~~Meanwhile~~~~~  
  
Arwen stormed away to do some thinking and formulate a plan to take revenge on Legolas and Aragorn, as well as to fix her ruined nails.  
  
  
  
Frodo woke up yawning. He had heard sounds of loud screaming and screeching like that of wild emus with their tails on fire. Looks like Aragorn and Arwen are goin' at it again. Wonder what happened this time. He thought to himself, he could not recall any of the argument, but did hear Arwen shouting something about him not getting NONE for about a month. Oooh, must be real harsh, he thought again.  
  
He got up, got dressed, and went downstairs. There, he found no one there. He saw the computer on, displaying some site on the screen. He went over to investigate. He scrolled down, reading some of the material. He noticed the penname and chuckled. He clicked back to the main page for any other non-suspecting people to come upon.  
  
Sam came inside from the gardens outside. He had been mingling with some of the elves again. He excused himself when he thought he heard Aragorn's voice raised and Arwen squealing and yelling. He figured it was safe to come in now, since the voices stopped.  
  
He first grabbed a large stick resembling Gandalf's staff to defend himself with. He approached the main room cautiously with the stick pointing out ahead of him.  
  
"Hullo?" He asked timidly. His voice echoed back to him.  
  
"No one here. Ok then," Sam said, very relieved. He saw the computer on some site and plopped down on the purple swivel chair to check it out. He scrolled down the page.  
  
"By Elbereth-These are our names! They must've written about us!" Sam cried gleefully.  
  
He scrolled down the page and came upon one about Frodo and himself.  
  
"Slash? What's that? Well, I figure if it's about my master and faithful Sam it won't do no harm to check it out," Sam murmured.  
  
Aragorn fetched some more water and splashed Legolas on the face with it.  
  
"Wake up! And tell me what Arwen meant by the story she read!!!" Aragorn tapped Legolas' cheek. No use.  
  
He went to the mini-fridge in his liddle abode and pulled out a large Sno-Cone.  
  
He stuck it to Legolas' forehead. After a few seconds he gave a sharp cry.  
  
"Agh! It's so cold!!!! ARAGORN!!!" He swiped it away and it left a large red O imprint on his head.  
  
Aragorn shrugged and peeled off the wrapper and started eating it.  
  
"Nothing like a good Sno-Cone to drown my woes."  
  
Legolas sat up. Aragorn looked at him pitifully then said, "Tell me what Arwen meant by reading that story, and WHY she was so angry about it that she would give up HAVING SEX with ME!!"  
  
"Aragorn.Well, promise me not to laugh but, there was this site I found-fanfiction.net, and.and I clicked on 'Books', ya know, trying to find my favourites, annd-and, there was a thing entitled 'Lord of the Rings' so I figured I should check it out. I thought it was strange that it was there, ya know.Ya know what I'm saying.I then found our names in different stories! It was weird, I read a real nice poem about me by some crazy human girl named Esteladuial.What a freak! Then there was this, this, this THING."  
  
"What sort of THING?" Aragorn asked, very confused, licking away at his nice rainbow-y Sno-Cone.  
  
"Well, the THING was well, in the summary, it-it, it was something about A/L Slash, I didn't know what it was.Unfortunately, so I foolishly clicked on it, assuming it was another wonderful poem or something. But I-I was wrong, so very wrong." Legolas said quietly and grimly, getting a Sno- Cone for himself.  
  
Aragorn had been listening intently, trying to piece things together and figure them out. "So, go on, what's it got to do with me?"  
  
"Well, the story was about.Well, us."  
  
"Go on."  
  
"And we had feelings for each other."  
  
"Nothing out of the ordinary."  
  
"Mutual feelings, and w-w-w-we ACTED upon them." He concluded, lowering his head, and eating his Sno-Cone very sadly.  
  
"What? What's that supposed to mean?" Aragorn asked sharply, suspicious.  
  
Legolas stopped eating. "Well, it's hard for me to say this, but, we were, well, l-lovers in it. And we were kissing and making love!!!!!!" Legolas frowned down at his Sno-Cone again, disgusted with himself.  
  
"WH-WH-WHAAAT?!?!?!?!" Aragorn bellowed, dropping his the uneaten remnants of his Sno-Cone, causing the walls to shake, and Legolas to cringe and hole onto his Sno-Cone for dear life.  
  
  
  
  
  
Weird right??? Well, not nearly weird enough.Hehe.(  
  
Next chap will be WEIRD too. Just warning ya pplz ahead of time.Tell me wutcha think, and if you have any suggestions or comments.BYE BYE!!! Thanks for reading and reviewing!!! 


	6. Tattletale

From this chapter on, things will be hella weird. Rite, like they aren't already strange as $***. Excuse my language, it's early. Haha, even though it's 10:30 in the morning, that's still excrutiating early for me. Ok, on then.  
  
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The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net  
  
Chapter 6. Tattletale  
  
Arwen went in search of the one person, besides the one who betrayed her, that she could have talks and little 'sessions' with.  
  
"DADDY!" She yelled, storming into his room.  
  
Elrond had been sleeping and now stirred.  
  
"Wha-wha? 5 more minutes mommy! I don't want to meet with the King of Gondor!" He whined, rolling around, hugging his covers and teddy bear to him tightly. He wore baby blue silk pajamas with little monkeys on them. His matching nightcap had fallen off and was now on the floor.  
  
Arwen sighed, and stalked over to him. She picked up his nightcap and yanked his precious teddy bear out of his arms.  
  
"Hey! Arwen! You're not being very nice! You're not sharing!"  
  
"Daddy, I'm holding these things hostage until you wake up, get your lazy behind outta bed, and TALK TO ME!!!" She yelled the last part.  
  
"Ooook," He said, very sad his teddy was taken away from him.  
  
"Give me that too!!" She cried, grabbing his little blankie with the moons and stars on them. She was frustrated her dad was going through the toddler stage, again.  
  
"You have a perfectly good imported Lorien comforter. Why use this ratty old thing?" Arwen looked at it in disgust, it had spots of peanut butter & jelly on it from yesterday's snacktime, and some spots of fruit punch spilled over it, too.  
  
"That's my special blankie! It keeps the ringy-wraiths away," he said softly, frowning, sticking his thumb in his mouth.  
  
"Ringy-wraiths? Daddy, you're going crazay," She announced.  
  
He sniffled, curling up in a little ball.  
  
"Daddy? What're you doing?"  
  
Elrond chuckled.  
  
"Okay then!! Everybody!! Listen up!" They yelled, simultaneously, both getting the joke.  
  
"I'm going to Mandos! Who's comin wit me?" Elrond announced, jumping on his bed.  
  
"Somebody pleeaasse help him!" Arwen said, like a scared little girl. She laughed, "I think my dad's gone crazay!"  
  
"There's no mountain I can't climb, no tower too high, no bird that I can't learn how to fly. What do I gotta do to get through to you that there ain't nothing I can't take this chainsaw to?! Aaaannnh!!"  
  
"OK DADDY! That's enough, I don't think the readers wanna hear the next part, too graphic for their poor little eyes. But if they would like to, they can review and request for Orlijah to write the full parody of 'My Dad's Gone Crazy' by Eminem," she smiled, then looked back at her dad, remembering the real reason she was here.  
  
"DADDY!!!!!" she screamed, causing him to cover his ears.  
  
"WHAT?!" he yelled back, now it was Arwen's turn to cover her ears.  
  
"It's Aragorn," She whined, sitting on Elrond's lap, hugging her daddy.  
  
"WHAT?! Did he abuse you? Take advantage of you? Cuz if he did, I swear by Luthien the Fair, I will show that boi some whoop ass!!! WAACHAA!!" He cried, getting feisty and doing some karate moves. (Don't ask how he does that with Arwen still in his lap, it's fanfiction, remember?)  
  
"IT'S WORSE!! He's cheating on me!! With-"Arwen then burst out crying.  
  
"Awww, sweetie. It's okay," He soothed her with a huggy-hug. "With who??" He asked sharply, furious Aragorn would do such a thing to Arwen who cooked, (ok, mostly the servants did that) cleaned, (well, the servants mostly did that, too) found his lost belongings, (the servants did that, as well, except in Esteladuial's story-yes, I'm advertising for her.) and gave him pleasure (THAT-the servants NEVER DID, it was something she was too good at to need anyone else to take her place.;P).  
  
"With-with-with LEGOLAS!!!" I don't get it!! Why would he choose HIM over me?!?! I mean, he is more girly than me, BUT STILL!!" Arwen cried, still sobbing.  
  
"Arwen, it's not you, it's him, especially if he's cheating with- waitaminute-LEGOLAS?!" he sounded & looked bewildered (think Elrond's council when Sam, Merry, & Pippin pop out outta nowhere and place themselves in the fellowship).  
  
She looked up at him, "Well, I haven't exactly, well, caught them in the act, but I saw this story that told about it all!! It must've been a journal entry from Legolas or something!" She wiped her eyes with Elrond's stained blankie, getting angry again.  
  
Elrond was speechless.  
  
"I mean, if he didn't love me anymore, and had feelings for a fucking MALE ELF, he could've TOLD ME!! So I wouldn't have given up my immortality for that bastard. I COULD'VE SPENT ETERNITY WITH ELVEN ENTAINERS AND THEIR WELL KEPT BODS INSTEAD!!!! But, nooo. I waste my future, for that RANGER, and then end up having HIM fall in love with another male elf!! OoOoohHh!!!" Arwen whined, wanting to rip off Aragorn's head, as well as something else, off of his body.  
  
Things had just started to sink in for Elrond.  
  
"OH NO HE DOESN'T!!! NO ONE BREAKS THE HEART OF MY DAUGHTER TO BE WITH THE PRINCE OF MIRKWOOD!!" Aragorn & Lego had better hope they polished up their fighting skills, cuz Elrond IS IN THE HOUSE!!!" he yelled, karate kicking his way out the door.  
  
"Daddy, you're already in the house, but no matter. GO DADDY!!! YOU KICK THEIR ASSES!! YOU KICK THEIR ASSES GOOD!! I'll wash Billy Bear and your blankie wankie for you while you're gone!!" She shouted at Elrond.  
  
He stuck his head back in the doorframe and winked, then gave a yell and stormed through the halls, singing.  
  
"ELROND GOES RUNNING BY HIMSELF!! HURRAH HURRAH!! BREAK ARWEN'S HEART, I'LL BEAT YOU DOWN!! HURRAH HURRAH!!"  
  
~~~~~~Meanwhile~~~~~~  
  
Sam waited patiently for the site to load, since MEOL was awfully slow.  
  
"Someday my cable modem in glistening bubble wrap will come," He sighed wistfully, thinking he had heard someone yelling and singing far off, it seemed to be getting louder and louder.  
  
He turned his attention back to the computer.  
  
It had stopped loading.  
  
"DAMN MEOL! Always freezing!" He grumbled, clicking back.  
  
"I'M bad!! YEAH!! I'm BAD!! I'm HERE TO ROCK YOUR WOOORLD!!!"  
  
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Utter weirdness, I know. It only starts here. Well, actually, it started a long time ago, but hey, what the heck. They'll just get weirder and weirder. Brace yourselves, no joking this time, it's gonna be one hell of a ride the next few chaps-hehehe.  
  
Haha, peanut butter & jelly. Yet another inside joke I and Esteladuial share. It's all cause of her sick, twisted, perverted mind. Go read 'Pennies Ahoy!' in our joint account Estelijah, and you'll see an example of that. While you're at it, go read all the stories there. We're like Juicy Fruit, guaranteed funniness-maybe not 100%, cuz of all you highly opinionated, picky PEOPLE!! Arrr-just read 'em. 


	7. MJ Betta Run For His Money

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, haven't got the time. I'll try & write more in Study Hall, okay? I promise this slash thing will get resolved soon, and they can go on and read otha weird stuffz, ok? Anymore story suggestions??  
  
P.M.S.-go read my poemz I have posted, and my new story 'Gimli the Crossing Guard' K??  
  
THANK YOU NICE REVIEWERS OUT THERE!!!! 'Cept for one..Grrr..WHO GIVES ABOUT YA ANYWAY?! I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy, does a little dance like Beth from Passions' mom I'm happy, I'm happy-  
  
Yo, this chapter gets screwy, not cuz I've lost my touch, but that's the way it's gotta be, okay? I need to incorporate sum new themes in this thing. BTY-wrote this a LONG time ago, like early September in Study Hall, juzz too lazy to type it.  
  
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The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net  
  
Chapter 7. MJ Betta Run For His Money  
  
Sam turned around to see Elrond on the stairs, singing, yelling, and imitating Jackie Chan and doing Michael Jackson moves. (Whoa there, picture that stuff one at a time, there ya go, one at a time, so your poor brain doesn't freeze.)  
  
"I'M BAD!! OWWWWW!!!" He cried, grabbing his crotch with one hand and raising the other. He glimpsed Sam staring at him with his jaw on the floor.  
  
"Hey Sam. What's up?" He asked, leaping down the stairs to greet him.  
  
"Oh, hey, uhhh, nothing much-" Sam mumbled, sliding his chair away from Elrond.  
  
"What've you been doing?" Elrond asked.  
  
"Uhhh, well, uhh, nothing, Mister Elrond, dude, sir," Sam said nervously, not wanting anyone else to know about his discovery til he checked it out for himself.  
  
"I know you haven't been doing 'nothing'! Come on now!! TELL ME!!" Elrond urged.  
  
"I said 'NOTHING'!!!!" Sam squeaked, wheeling away from him.  
  
"TELLLL MEEEEE!!!!" Elrond yelled.  
  
"Aaaaah!!!!" Sam cried, wheeling at top speed away from the scary Elrond. He went around the circular hall they were in. Elrond started chasing him.  
  
"I UURGE YOU TO TEELLLL MEEE!!" He cried, chasing the purple swivel chair with an afro sticking out from the top of it.  
  
"Urge? I'VE GOT THEEE UURRGGEEE TO DO SOMETHING EEEELSSSEEE!" Sam yelled back, hugging his legs to his chest. The chair was now going around and around by itself. Good 'ol Merry & Pippin had designed it so that I had an automatic feature that started up once it felt you going past a certain m.p.h. (Think Hoverround-for a computer swivel chair) They had their share of liddle games and wild purple swivel chair chases on the nice, smooth, marble floor.  
  
"I'VE GOT THEEE URRGE TO KILLLL!!!" Elrond screamed, getting angry again, remembering what his daughter had told him earlier.  
  
Sam's eyes nearly popped out of his little head when he heard this, thinking he would fried hobbit soon.  
  
"Somebody's gonna be ROADKILL WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH THEM!!!" Elrond bellowed, with a loud "Whaaataah!!"  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Sam yelled back, slapping a hand on each cheek.  
  
And so, they went around and around the inside, round the inside! (I should give up wit the parodies, shouldn't I?) With Elrond yelling about murdering someone, Sam getting what hobbit crap he has scared outta him.  
  
  
  
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Okay, then, very weird. Next chap wuz supposed to be THE SPECIAL CHAP, but I'll save that for Chapter 9, hehe. I will insert a chapter 8 after Oct 7. Will be from the POV of Legolas & Aragorn, wut they DISCUSS.  
  
Oct 7th- THE DAY OF THE RENAISSANCE FAIRE TRIP!!! YAY!!! I will hopefully get sum delightful inspiration from there. Anyone want a story about the 'ship goin to the ren faire? That oughta be interesting. "Shire? What Shire? You mean we're home?!" lol-yup, they'd say sumthin like that, and they'll get scared when oddities come up them and talk to them, and they'll be a-eating those giant turkey legs and the steak on a stake. Yup yup.  
  
THANX TO THE REVIEWERS!!! ANON!!! 


	8. Say Wuh?

WAZZAAAP?! Nice pplz, 79 reviews?! AWESOME MAN!!! THE REN FAIRE WUZ AWESOME!! I shared a turkey leg with my friend, Chili. Then bought another one to bring home. Mmm, mmm, goodness. (  
  
Sorry I'm a liddle late with this chap, haha, I meant to type it up 10-7, but I was wiped out after the Ren Faire. But here ya are, just like I promised, Chapter 8.  
  
YES!! Under you nice pplz influence, I will continue writing parodies. Any suggestions for current rap songs? Cam'ron?  
  
~'Hey Sam, What's up? Let's run, all right, all right. And we goin' to Rivendell tonite. You smoke, I smoke, I drink, some pints, well good. Cause we gon get high tonite.'~  
  
Ook, not sure bout the rest of it, cuz the chorus part of that song's the only thing I can understand. Lol. I'll work on it. I mite do Christina A.'s 'Dirrty' Any enthusiasm from u pplz for that?  
  
Maybe 'Hot In Herre'. I know, itz startin to get cold, but who cares? I luv the song, so heck wit it, I'll do a parody. ;P  
  
~'I am getting' so hot, Legolas take your clothes off-'  
  
Oh yeah~ Maybe I should include a visual? Like say, in a video version? Oooh, lalaa.  
  
ON THEN!! WITH THIS HERE STOURY!!!!!  
  
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The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net  
  
Chapter 8. Say Wuh-?  
  
Drip. Drip. Drip.  
  
Was heard leaking from the Sno-Cone Legolas was clenching so tightly. He was trembling, afraid to look up, and see the horrified, beast, worse-than- banshee-Galadriel-face that belonged to Aragorn.  
  
Aragorn stood there, bug-eyed. Panting heavily from screaming so loudly. He glanced down at the shriveled up figure of poor, terrified Legolas.  
  
"Legolas?"  
  
He shrunk further away at the mention of his name, saddened greatly that his Sno-Cone could offer no type of protection or console at all.  
  
"Yes, Aragorn?" He squeaked, his voice above a whisper. The Sno-Cone continued to drip.  
  
"LEGOLAS!" Aragorn yelled this time, abruptly grabbing the elf by his shoulders.  
  
"Eeep!! Aggh!! Don't kill me!! PLEASE?!?! DON'T KILL ME!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIEEE!! I NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO DO THE PLEASANT AND DIRTY THINGS ELVES CAN DO AT MY AGE!! NOOO!! PLEASE!!!" Legolas yelped, scrunching up his cute little face that was growing very pink.  
  
"What?! I never said anything about KILLING!!" Aragorn yelled back, surprised his friendly friend who was as friendly as a friendly friend could be to other friends suggested this of him, his buddy, his ol' pal, who he went WAAY back with. (Okay, maybe not THAT far back. Seeing as to how Legolas is a couple thousand years OLDER than Aragorn.)  
  
"PLEASE?!?! I BEG OF YOU, ESTEL!! REMEMBER? WE'RE BUDDIES!! WE'RE IN ON THIS TOGETHER!! COME ON!! WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE PLANS OF US SEDUCIN' OUR WOMEN IN THE BACKSEAT OF THE CARRIAGE TOGETHER?! AAGH!!! DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON THAT NICE, HOT, STEAMY PLAN!!! AND WHAT ABOUT THE FEMALE ELF MUD WRESTLING AND-"  
  
"LEGOLAS!! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!! I AM NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM GOING TO KILL YOUR LIDDLE BLONDE SELF!!!!" Aragorn yelled, shaking Legolas by the shoulders hard to bring him back to Middle-Earth. "Besides," he continued, more calmly, "You know I wouldn't miss doin' that and watching THAT anytime 'ol friend! Sure brings back many memories that sure need a-reminiscing."  
  
"Pwomise?" said Legolas in a voice suitable for that of little elves scared of Ringwraiths under their beds.  
  
"I promise. Now listen, I don't know WHY Arwen read that WE, OF ALL PEOPLE IN MIDDLE-EARTH-" Aragorn shouted, waving his arms about, "were lovers. I cannot see how we would interact with each other in those manners, seeing as to how you don't have a-"  
  
"Ahem-" Legolas interrupted, not wanting Aragorn to go any further with those details.  
  
"Right, well anyway, I gotta go tell her that it's not true before she goes and tells-"  
  
"Elrond," they said in unison. (I know that's corny, but acch, but the heck, real pplz in real life do it all the time! You know of what I speak, SO STOP THINKIN LIKE THAT!!!!)  
  
"Because, you see, Legolas, I made a teeny weeny, miniscule-y, itty-bitty, eency weency, diminutive (Haha! One time when the dictionary/thesaurus feature can come in handy for ya! But you probably get what it means, riiite? Make me happy and say I have taught you all a new word today? Lol), little promise to her father-one that I swore not to break," Aragorn said, shaking his wet dog like hair with the head attached.  
  
"And what's that grandpa-with your big words? Or not so big words, ahahaha," Legolas replied, smirking, and very proud of his little joke.  
  
"Shuddup, you know perfectly well how much older you are than me, and that joke-ugh, that was NOT FUNNY!! Now-where was I again?" Aragorn stated, scratching his head, looking upon the golden features that Legolas possessed-his shining hair, his beautiful cheekbones, the blush on his cheeks, his pouty lips, hi-(sorry, Orlijah has now gone too far. This is not a Legolas visual. This is not a Legolas visual. This is not a Legolas visual. * Sigh *)  
  
"You were at the part where you were gonna tell me the promise you made to Elrond?"  
  
"Oooh, right right. So anyway, like I was saying-about the promise. Good 'ol Elrond Peredhil made me swear to forever cherish, love, support, keep, and provide for his daughter-my lovely Arwen," Aragorn said, fondly, "He also happened to say that if I ever broke her heart, in any way, that my punishment would be worse than that of getting my egg rolls cut off," Aragorn ended, distaste in his voice.  
  
"What are egg rolls?" Legolas inquired, unknowingly.  
  
"Uhh, nevermind," Aragorn responded, disappointed that they would probably never share a nice, Chinese meal together with the use of chopsticks, if Legolas didn't even know what egg rolls were.  
  
"So what do we do now?"  
  
"WE!! Shall go and find Arwen!!" Aragorn stated, leaping up, like a soldier enlisted for war.  
  
"YES!" Legolas responded giddily, happy that he would experience no odd torture.  
  
"Then! We shall tell her that WE ARE NOT LOVERS!!"  
  
"WE ARE NOT LOVERS!!!!"  
  
"THEN!! I shall treat her to something to make up for having her angry for no good reason!!"  
  
"TREATING THE WIFEY!!"  
  
"AND THEN!!! If all goes well and according to plan, we shall kiss and make love endlessly for the rest of the night and the following morning!!!" Aragorn concluded, drawing in a breath.  
  
"MAKIN LOOOVE!! Sweeet Loooove!!" Legolas sang, doin a little dance.  
  
"Ok then!! Here we go!!" Aragorn declared, saluting to no one in particular.  
  
"Aye, aye, CAP-I-TAN!!" Legolas saluted back, jumping up, and giving his Sno-Cone a lick.  
  
"ONWARD HOOOO!!!" Aragorn bellowed, beginning to unlock the 69 bolts.  
  
"WE GONNA GET DA HO!!" Legolas repeated, shaking his moneymaker.  
  
Aragorn turned around and smacked him in the head, "Nooo, you silly goose!! We gon get mah wifey!! Now let's go!"  
  
"Okey dokey!" Legolas piped, skipping out the door after Aragorn.  
  
  
  
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Ook, Didn't use ANY of the inspiration I got from visitin the Ren Faire, but oh well. Going there DID help me think of themes, and uh, I dunno if this is just me, but I see Aragorn and Leggy talking here, kinda Western style, ya know, cowboy outfit, horses on the side, by the porch of a tavern, chewin on some grass. Ya know? Riite. Anyhow, I have the mind to start a story bout these 'ship pplz visitin the Ren Faire, how bout it? You pplz got the mind to read it? And Esteladuial, ya got the mind to co-write with me? Or no?  
  
Ooh-they had a boy around my age (middle schoolish) operatin the stands. He put on the MOST AWESOMEST SCOTTISH ACCENT!! JEEPERS!! COOLNESS!! I GOTTA WORK @ THE RENAISSANCE FAIRE WHEN I GROW UP!!! YIPPEEE!!!  
  
Whoo. Now that that chapz finished, I'm gonna go eat some Ramen? Anybody else just luv that stuff? Oh, the chapz after this whole slash thing gets resolved mite take a while. I hafta go back and read reviews and stories suggested, k? Buh bai now, the noodles are a-callin for meee~ ;P 


	9. Oh Dear Jeebus, It’s A Frickin Musical

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN CAME OUT YESTERDAY!!! Haven't been 2 see it yet, but I can't wait!!! Sorry for not postin in oh-so-long!!! and anyone wanting to see what I've been up to can visit my website MWAHAHAHA!! My Harry Potter obsession has returned to me!! So all u lotr/hp fans mite be in for sumwhat of a treat in the upcoming weeks…  
  
Disclaimer: I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DEATH INVOLVING ASPHYXIATION, CARDIAC ARREST, SEIZURE, ETC. FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD DUE TO THE EXTREMELY GRAPHIC & RIDICULOUS ACTIONS OF THE CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY!!! I REPEAT!! I WILL NOT BE HAPPY IF I FIND LETTERS PERTAINING TO HEARINGS & LAWSUITS IN MY MAILBOX!!! That is all, and once again I caution those who have medical problems or are in a state where they physically unable to kindly REFRAIN FROM READING THIS SORT OF HIGHLY DANGEROUS FANFICTION!!!!  
  
Now with that said, on with the story!!! :-P  
  
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The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net  
  
Chapter 9. Oh Dear Jeebus, It's A Frickin Musical  
  
"What the bloody heck is goin on here?" Merry screeched from the balcony. He pulled the purple swivel chair controller out and swerved Sam out of the way of the maniacal Elrond and up the ramp towards himself.  
  
"Merry!! I knew you were behind this!" Sam yelled. "But thank goodness it was automatic! It kept me from the clutches of that severely mentally unbalanced elf that beautiful, elegant, Valar's Secret model Princess Arwen calls a father!" Sam then stopped; realizing he had just sang that last line out in a operatic voice.  
  
"You're welcooome! Twas developed by kooky Pippin, eating finger lickin' chicken! With the meat & the potatoes-ripe, juicy, red tomatoes-straight outta the buffet table!" Merry sang in reply, starting to do a little dance tapping his feet and sliding towards Sam, who immediately joined him in this, tapping in sync, with silver canes and tipping top hats which appeared out of nowhere just in time for their little hobbit shindig.  
  
"Eating everything around him-eggs, sausage and the bacon; constant bathroom trips he's makin' with his smelly old companion-"  
  
"Hey!! Look who's talking Samwise Gamgee, you look like the freaky kid from the Goonies!!"  
  
"Hey I was in that movie!"  
  
"I thought it was Astin playin your role in this story!"  
  
"Shut up fool! You don't know what you're talking a-bout!"  
  
"I really don't know either, I confuse myself when speaking, I don't know Hooters from a scooter-to this day!"  
  
Sam sped up his dance routine, with Merry adjusting to his faster paced tapping; canes still a being swiveled at random intervals.  
  
"Meriadoc A-Brandybuck, that's a-okay! I get lost in the billows & mountains folding Frodo's underwear!"  
  
"You what?!"  
  
"I-I-I, fold Frodo's underwear, comb his curly hair! Givin him spongebaths- there!" ;-P Sam sang in a more serious tone, pausing his dancing to draw out the last note in a melodramatic fashion.  
  
"Whoa! Please don't go there! His underwear & hair was quite enough for these poor ears!"  
  
"How dare you start without, I have heard your little quabblings-with your tap dance moooves!!" Elrond sang in a rich tenor voice, appearing abruptly from the stairs. Sam had so easily forgotten how Elrond had spilled out those threats earlier. He turned his back to them, and untied his robe. Whipped back to face them, he dropped it to reveal-  
  
(a/n: to all those erratic fans of Elrond, please hang on to your knickers, for you are about to experience quite an intense scene ;-P)  
  
tight leather pants showing off a nice errr-matured elven protuberance and a silk maroon shirt opened slightly at his belly button, revealing a very well toned midriff. He stood there unmoving for about 10 minutes of silence, with one leg in front of the other, looking like he was about to do something that would scare the living daylights out of enemies that would've been unfortunate enough to approach, while at the same time, would have prompted much teenage hormonal action, whose side-effect would have been the incessant glomping of the King of Rivendell.  
  
Merry & Sam just gawked inarticulately at him, dropping their dancing canes with such a clatter.  
  
All of a sudden, loud, rhythmic music seemed to flood the balcony from all directions at once. Elrond suddenly broke out into a booty shakin' dance. The song turned out to be none other than Ricki Martin's "Shake your Bon- Bon" (a highly appropriate song for his current attire) He pelvic thrusted several times, grabbed his crotch a few, all the while shaking what his mama gave him. He started singing along (^O_O^ Yes, I know that's the face you're all making rite about now, especially you, ESTELADUIAL!!! Well, save it, cuz this is just the beginning, y'all!!")  
  
The sound of a record skidding echoed throughout the place. The beat to a new song began. Elrond had suddenly stopped; and just as promptly started careening in a most promiscuous fashion to MJ's "You Rock My World." More crotch grabbing and pelvic thrusting ensued. Elrond moonwalked smoothly over to Sam and took his top hat off his utterly amazed/horror stricken head and placed it upon his own. He danced back to his original place near the staircase, turned around, tipped his hat, and gave a chuckle & wink directed towards the immobile Sam & Merry. (MJ all the way, baby!! ^_^)  
  
During Elrond's highly bizarre/refreshingly wild rendition of those songs,(dependant on your view on this) Sam & Merry had just stood there pathetically, wide-eyed & jaw-to-the-floor, hair drooping, completely forgetting what juvenile tap-dancing they'd previously taken a part in.  
  
Sam murmured almost inaudibly with a slight note of admiration mixed with apprehension in his voice, "He's good…"  
  
"Yeah…"Merry replied in the same tone of voice, both agreeing that something as unnerving as this could come to no good conclusion, "Do you think we could do that?"  
  
"Uhhh, we could try and end up failing miserably!"  
  
"Uuuuh. Must. Get. Leather. Pants," Merry droned. Elrond gave one final, satisfying crotch grab to end the song. A new song began, this one a more recent hit in Billboard's top 100 charts. A dazzling spectrum of rainbow coloured lights shone and danced around the balcony, illuminating the rhythm-box that was Elrond.  
  
Don't be so quick to-walk away  
  
Dance wit me  
  
I wanna rock your body Please stay Dance wit me You don't hafta admit ya-wanna play Dance wit me Just lemme rock you Til the break of day Dance wit me  
  
"Hey, lads! Isn't that the song from that Nsync fellow, Justin Timberlake?" Piped Pippin as he strolled in nonchalantly to join his stricken companions.  
  
Merry & Sam only continued to stare, giving no answer. Pippin watched, smiling & bobbing his head to the beat, as if this were nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
Every move, every swivel, every dance move was a perfect match to that of Justin's own for that particular song. When it got to the part of 'Talk to me boy!' in which Justin was to originally have a female counterpart in his dancing, a random servant in the House of Elrond had appeared and taken to the choreography with neither a single breath of hesitation nor error.  
  
With the final beatboxing note expelled, coupled with a final thrust, Elrond took a break, sprinting away to a side room with his name engraved in the middle of a golden star. It was odd, having the atmosphere suddenly go from 'Hall of the Dancing Queens' to that of complete silence.  
  
"Do you think he's just gone for a quick costume change?" Sam ventured tentatively, still awestruck.  
  
"Probably, as well as giving 'his people' a couple of calls," Merry suggested.  
  
"Hey, do you think we could pull together a few moves? I was thinking along the lines of B2K or perhaps-" Pippin said excitedly, only to be cut off suddenly by the start of a new piece of music; though this time, none other than Aragorn and Legolas appeared, clad in some of the most *revealing* outfits that Elven law would allow.  
  
Soo, tell me what ya think?? And any suggestions for songs that these two might dance to? I'll try and update the next musical chapter ASAP!! Sorry to keep ya waiting! Those of you who still might be reading this after such a long, long time  
  
Finished the 5th HP book recently, so sad. Poor Harry.  
  
R.I.P. Sirius Black ( We luved ya lots, Padfoot. 


	10. And All That Jazz

So, you probably all thought I'd gone off somewhere and died, eh? Not quite, I entered high school is what; which you can probably argue is just as morbid. But hey, I'm back now, and with a new batch of sardonic goodies for all your impressionable little minds.  
  
Enjoy.  
  
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The Fellowship Visits Fanfiction.net  
  
Chapter 10. And All That Jazz  
  
"Hey, do you think we could pull together a few moves? I was thinking along the lines of B2K or perhaps-" Pippin said excitedly, only to be cut off suddenly by the start of a new piece of music; though this time, none other than Aragorn and Legolas appeared, clad in some of the most *revealing* outfits that Elven law would allow.  
  
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!!  
  
Aragorn sashayed his shimmery skirt clad self towards the spotlight that had magically appeared out of nowhere, hair impossibly straight, red rouge stained lips singing, "C'mon, babe, why don't we paint the town? And all that jazz?" His voice dropped to a thick brassy rasp.  
  
"I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down," A soft, deep baritone joined in, the owner slinking beside Aragorn in a matching silver dress that was cut low in the front and dangerously high on the skirt, exposing fine, muscled thighs. Legolas, mimicking the motion of that which he just sang was highly unsuccessful in attempting to roll his stockings down. He had never worn contraptions of the like, and had difficulty achieving the sexy, mischievous looking he had intended.  
  
"And all that jazz," breathed Aragorn. Legolas, finally having had enough of his stockings, bent over to yank them off, the slinky fabric of his outfit slipping and revealing his round bottom. This earned many ooh's and aah's from the audience, Pippin in particular, who had already had enough excitement for the day.  
  
Legolas just regained his fabulous elven composure just in time to sing "Start the car, I know a whoopee spot!" Lightly smacking Aragorn's upturned bottom.  
  
"Where the gin is cold, but the piano's hot!" The red-faced Aragorn proclaimed.  
  
"It's just a noisy hall, where there's a nightly brawl!" Legolas belted, shaking what dear daddy Thranduil gave him.  
  
"And all that jazz!"  
  
"Slick your hair, and wear your buckle shoes," Legolas winked, pulling a very startled and harassed looking Draco Malfoy still in school robes into the spotlight.  
  
"What the bloody f-"  
  
"And all that jazz!" Aragorn announced, spinning a disheveled Draco, who was cursing and making threats to tell his father, out of his limelight. The King of Gondor was not about to share with a Malfoy anytime soon.  
  
"I heat that father dip, is gonna blow the blues, and all that JAZZ!" Legolas grinned, dancing in a way that was more than enough to upset the delicately fabric that had long forsaken its duty to cover.  
  
"Hold on, hon! We're gonna bunny hug!" Aragorn sang, a rising crescendo with every syllable. He reached and spun Legolas into his arms.  
  
"I bought some-"  
  
Legolas was interrupted suddenly by a screech coming from an adjacent hallway.  
  
"YOU BASTARD!! AND RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE WITH THE RESIDENT BITCH!!"  
  
Apparently, Arwen's "Dear Daddy" had gotten sidetracked (as we have, no doubt, seen) once again on his mission to seek out the men that had caused his daughter much heartbreak and sorrow. T'was by his fault that poor, emotional Arwen witnessed the extent of their "infidelity" firsthand.  
  
"YOU SSTOLE HIM! SSTUPID SSKINNY ELF! YOU BETRAYED USS! YOU SSTOLE HIM! MY HUSSBAND!!" Arwen shrieked, sound disturbingly like a certain Gollum they once knew.  
  
"We were just-uhm," Aragorn stuttered, completely shell-shocked and unable to move from his position, much less remove his death grip around Legolas, who was currently turning fascinating shades of blue and purple.  
  
"Liess! LIESS!!" Arwen hissed, shaking her dark locks in fury, face contorting in anger.  
  
"A-Aragorn! Let go of me!" Legolas barely managed to choke out, scrabbling desperately at Aragorn's strong, manly arms. Aragorn sensed the vague, tickling sensation of soft, blonde hair brushing furiously at his chin, and looked down, his eyes widening even more.  
  
"L-Legolas! Oh-I-I'm sorry!" He stammered, still too dumbfounded to move.  
  
"Yes, thank you, kind ranger. Now if you'll please. Get. Off. ME!!" Legolas yelled, struggling against him once more, only to find the ground swiftly rushing towards him as he was suddenly released.  
  
"ADA!!" Arwen now shrieked in a glass-breaking octave, wanting her daddy to come and help make her emotional boo-boo's all better.  
  
The smooth, bad, and terribly white, Artist Formerly Known as Elrond came gliding in again, the remaining strains of techno-pop beats echoing from behind him.  
  
"Yes, Ms. Undomiel?" The Artist Formerly Known as Elrond inquired in a tone fit for an evil virus plotting to overtake a computer-stimulated world.  
  
"AARGH!!! HE SSTOLE HIM! WE HATESSS YOU!!" Arwen venomously pointed a finger at the accused now lying in a heap on the floor.  
  
"Now, now Arwen. I'm sure in the massive expansive of our oceans there are plenty of other fish-"  
  
"FISSH?! Did you ssay FISH?! We only wish, to catch a fish! So juicy SWEET!!" Arwen's shrill cry echoed around the hall. The crash of broken glass could be heard around the kingdom.  
  
Down the hall Elrond had come from, another door banged open. A figure with tousled, dark hair and menacing figure strode out.  
  
"What in Elbereth's name is going on here?!"  
  
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Mwahaha, cliffhanger ^_^ Until the next time I update, which may very well be within the timespan of 1 day-8 months. When we'll continue, nobody knows. I'll try, I'll really, really try. But with my hectic schedule ahead, and only one behind to sit and type, there are guarantees to a swift update. Thank you all for your reviews! I have changed in the course of the past 7 months, as has my humour, and so will my stories, as you can see. It really is laughable to read some of the things we wrote way-back when, in our young and naïve minds. Haha, I'm rambling and reminiscing about the younger years already. Must be seriously getting old here. Haha, not physically, really, but hey, maturity is a mental state (something I've been well acquainted with these past 14 ¾ years of my life), as are many other things.  
  
Send feedback, ideas for other chapters and tell me how ya like it! And all I'll see what I can do for ya next time! Bad a da duum! And all that Jazz!! 


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